Do you ever feel like you just can’t keep up on all of the responsibilities that come with Motherhood? The answer my friend is Spoons… yes that’s right, spoons. Rather what I mean is keeping my spoons.

I am sure you are asking what are you talking about? Let me tell you..

I remember I was at the funeral of a beloved Bishop. Afterward, I was sitting down visiting with a dear friend, who happened to be in early labor but didn’t know it yet. I hadn’t seen her in a while and she was asking how I was doing.

I remember always feeling like that was a loaded question, DO you really want to know how I am or are we making small talk. I knew this friend was really asking me how I was. I confessed that I wasn’t doing well, at all. I felt like I just couldn’t figure out this mom stuff, I always knew what kind of mother I wanted to be, (perfect), but for some reason, I just couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me?! I told her how my house was a disaster, I yelled too much at my kids, homeschooling was so challenging (I didn’t know yet I had 2 children with ADHD) No matter what system I implemented whether it was schedules or routines I couldn’t do anything right. I was a failure.

I had hit a wall of postpartum depression.

God used my friend in a way that forever changed me. She asked me if I had ever heard of “The Spoon Theory.” I, of course, had not. She said let’s pretend you have 7 spoons you wake up with every morning. If you get a poor night of sleep it might look more like 5. You have so many things that need to be taken care of. There is the baby to take care of, the big kids to homeschool, the laundry to wash and fold, the dishes to wash, dinner to cook, and a toddler who needs attention too. Each of those activities requires a spoon. She said sometimes caring for ourselves requires a spoon too. It clicked! No wonder I felt like a failure. I didn’t have enough spoons to do all the things I thought I needed to do.  Also being a bit of a neat freak. I am sure that took a spoon too! I told her that this might change my life! It did! I had always compared myself with people I looked up to, they had far more children than I did and were able to do ALL the things! Maybe their house wasn’t perfect but they buzzed around all day accomplishing mountains of jobs. Here I was struggling to get the basics done! She told me some people are born with a drawer full of spoons. Some of us can hold our spoons in one hand. I can’t even tell you how excited I was to learn about this. I started to tell everyone about it. Thinking this has to be one of the most freeing things I have ever heard! My ideals, my desire, and my need for perfectionism were so far from the reality of my abilities.

It’s been a little over 2 years since that fateful day when my friends’ words would become my life mantra! Since that day I have learned a lot about my spoons.  Learning my own limitations has helped teach me to say no to the things and people in my life that take my spoons. Even when life is going great I still have to carefully guard my spoons because I run on less than some of my high-energy friends.

God has really taught me through understanding about my own limitations the importance of keeping my spoons for those who most deserve it, namely my children, my husband, and myself.

I still sometimes fall into old habits of giving my spoons away to difficult relationships, or less than worthwhile pursuits far too often, only to remember that I forgot to keep some for my children. Then I tend to turn into a “dragon mom” when I am running on 0 spoons. Even, if I by the grace of God, can keep my cool when every little thing rubs me raw, I don’t have enough spoons to be the joy-filled Mom I want to be, the mom my children need me to be.

I have also learned that some things can actually give me back a spoon, or as my friend told me “regenerate” a spoon. What that looks like will be different for everyone. For me it looked like getting an ample amount of sleep, prioritizing morning prayers, taking a nap instead of washing the dishes. making an effort to get enough healthy fats in my diet ( avocados, eggs, butter) going on a daily walk, reading, things I should have been doing anyway. The older I get the less self-abuse my body can take.

If you are reading this and having your own epiphany over your own limited resource of spoons I want you to know you are not a failure! Your kids know that you love them! Children are naturally ready to forgive and forget if we are humble enough to ask for their forgiveness!

Comparison is the robber of Joy! What wise words those are! ( Thank you Grace!) God does not want you to compare yourself to anyone else! Not your mother, your best friend,  not your mother-in-law. We are so uniquely made, with our own failings and limitations. I also want you to know that God wants you to keep some spoons for yourself. He wants you to be the best mother possible for your children! But we can’t give what we don’t have! If you don’t have any spoons for yourself, how can you be the joy-filled happy mama you want to be??

I will forever be grateful to my friend for teaching me about her spoons! I still have so long to go before I totally understand and heed my own limitations.

Today, however, with God’s help I will be keeping my spoons. For my family for myself.

How have you spent your spoons today?